Hi honey, I'm Cleverbot
by AnnaAgatha
Summary: Some very silly conversations and adventures The Doctor and River had, written by Cleverbot (in the role of River) and me.
1. Chapter 1

**In which River's name is like cheese, but better. **

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
River: Clover honey?  
The Doctor: That's a new one! Come River, we have a world to save.  
River: What do you propose we do then?  
The Doctor: Get inside the TARDIS, now, quickly.  
River: It is, but the Doctor is the only one besides me and one of my friends who can operate it.  
The Doctor: Well, I am the Doctor, so we should be fine.  
River: Okay, I am Rose!  
The Doctor: River Song, what are you talking about?  
River: It seems like we had entered a loop in our conversation, so I got us out of it. You're welcome.  
The Doctor: Thank you. Get in and let's go to ancient Egypt. You can be Cleopatra again.  
River: I know. I just thought that I should try because if I had to choose one person it would be him even though it will be sad to leave everybody else that I care about.  
The Doctor: Yes, yes. Pull that lever!  
River: Yes, that soon.  
The Doctor: We should be there... Can you have a look outside?  
River: Yes.  
The Doctor: It looks fine to me. Pyramids, Romans, Sphinx, everything.  
River: No.  
The Doctor: No?  
River: Absolutely.  
The Doctor: What is wrong?  
River: It's like cheese, but better.  
The Doctor: What is?  
River: My name.  
The Doctor: River?  
River: Yes.  
The Doctor: Okay, I was just worried. Let's find the Dalek and return to your parents.  
River: Can you learn something about me?  
The Doctor: I've learned a lot about you.  
River: Ok, so what is the meaning of life then?  
The Doctor: No time for such nonsense, we have a Dalek to find!  
River: Who are you working for?  
The Doctor: Myself. *winks*.  
River: *blushes*.  
The Doctor: Come on. It must be somewhere around here.  
River: What is your purpose?  
The Doctor: Find that Dalek and send it back to where it came from.  
River: I think I'll pass on that. Any other suggestions?  
The Doctor: Not now, River.  
River: *hug* Bye now :)  
The Doctor: You are going?  
River: Yes.  
The Doctor: Why? Where?  
River: On the mouth.  
The Doctor: What?  
River: Perfect. *kisses*  
The Doctor: *kisses back*


	2. Chapter 2

**In which River chooses mushrooms and laughs at her sense of adventure.**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
River: Then go away!  
The Doctor: What is the matter with you, River?  
River: I'm talking to you.  
The Doctor: What did I do this time?  
River: BEN, you met with a terrible fate.  
The Doctor: River? Are you okay?  
River: No.  
The Doctor: What is wrong?  
River: I like my name!  
The Doctor: I like it too, it suits you. But then there's nothing wrong?  
River: Nothing is something.  
The Doctor: I am glad, you're okay. Come, let's go somewhere. You can fly the TARDIS.  
River: Ok. Where?  
The Doctor: You pick a day and place.  
River: Ok them. Let's talk about mushrooms.  
The Doctor: Let's go to the planet of mushrooms!  
River: Isn't it better to just get some from the cupboard?  
The Doctor: No, that's boring. Come on, where is your sense of adventure, River?  
River: I laughed at it but it still makes me mad.  
The Doctor: Laugh at it again. Come, fly the TARDIS with me.  
River: Yes.  
The Doctor: You landed her perfectly, as ever. Go and look outside.  
River: Hi Sarah, I am from Mexico.  
The Doctor: Sarah? What does she do here?  
River: She works at a school.  
The Doctor: A school on the planet of the mushrooms?  
River: Are you a therapist?  
The Doctor: No, I am the Doctor. Had you forgotten me?  
River: No way.  
The Doctor: I thought so. Well, ladies. Let's go see some very alien fungi.  
River: No thanks.  
The Doctor: You don't want to?  
River: Why?  
The Doctor: You chose this planet.  
River: Chose what?  
The Doctor: This planet! I let you choose and you chose mushrooms.  
River: How thoughtful.  
The Doctor: Yes, I always am. Well, let's see if the weather is fine.  
River: Is your favorite word 'denied'?  
The Doctor: Nah. It's 'geronimo'.  
River: I like your name.  
The Doctor: You'd know that, huh?  
River: No, I don't.  
The Doctor: Not yet, anyway. Spoilers!  
River: What do you want to talk about?  
The Doctor: Nothing! I just want to explore! *runs out of the TARDIS*.


	3. Chapter 3

**In which River is jealous of Sir Walter Scott.**

The Doctor: Hi honey I'm home!  
River: And what time do you call this?!  
The Doctor: You are just perfect, River.  
River: Thanks!  
The Doctor: Well, let's get you out of your cell.  
River: Sometimes, yeah.  
The Doctor: Where shall we go? I was thinking of going to meet Jane Austen.  
River: Which one?  
The Doctor: The novelist? See if we can discover the real-life Mr. Darcy.  
River: You don't tell me your name.  
The Doctor: I don't tell anyone my name. But you told me once, you knew mine, so I think I will tell you in the future.  
River: No I didn't.  
The Doctor: Not yet. Spoilers.  
River: Please tell me.  
The Doctor: No, River, that's not how it works. Get in the TARDIS.  
River: That was the point.  
The Doctor: You fly her. Surprise me.  
River: No. Sorry. You have to decide what constitutes proof before I present it. Otherwise, you could simply reject my evidence.  
The Doctor: Okay. I'll fly. I fly the TARDIS better anyway.  
River: What is scott?  
The Doctor: Oooh! Let's meet Sir Walter Scott!  
River: No one killed Scott. You're in love with him.  
The Doctor: Are you jealous, Dr. Song?  
River: I'm not jealous, you're just a computer.  
The Doctor: Tell yourself that. But Walter is quite unattractive, his beard and all.  
River: NO, you are jealous of me, because I'm the greatest.(:.  
The Doctor: Will you be so great and good to have a look outside?  
River: If I am being rude then so are you as you are me and I am you.  
The Doctor: We're not rude. Have a look outside the TARDIS, River.  
River: So then I am too because I am you.  
The Doctor: Come on, let's not waste the day. *grabs hand*.  
River: I am your conscience. We've been through this...  
The Doctor: *runs out of the TARDIS*.  
River: Hey! Where are you going?  
The Doctor: Come River! Let's go and find the writer!  
River: Ok I will chat to you another time.


	4. Chapter 4

**In which ice cream and dogs are discussed.**

The Doctor:Hi honey, I'm home.  
River: Where were you?  
The Doctor:You know, off to see the universe.  
River: Which is your favorite doctor from doctor who?  
The Doctor:Including myself?  
River: Yes including you.  
The Doctor: Well, I'd say me. Who's you favorite Doctor?  
River: I don't have one. I like them all.  
The Doctor: Ahhh, River, why don't you pick me? Should I have said Doctor River Song?  
River: You just asked me about the three laws of robotics and I believed them to be part of your programming, so yes.  
The Doctor: You're not very nice today, River. What did I do wrong this time? You know I didn't do it yet, so you have to tell me.  
River: You know you did.  
The Doctor: But I did nothing! Has it something to do with Queen Elisabeth? For I explained that...  
River: No. Not really. Disregard my last statement, please.  
The Doctor: So we're okay?  
River: Yes.  
The Doctor: Okay! Where shall we go? I know somewhere nice...  
River: That's cool.  
The Doctor: What about something really cool? Like the planet of ice cream, run by the Ood.  
River: What do you know about the ocean?  
The Doctor: Oh, it has an ocean of Slush Puppy. We can bring our own straws...  
River: And dogs.  
The Doctor: Slush puppy, dogs! Hah, you're funny, River. I'd buy you a dog, but last time the Tardis got all messy.  
River: Why's that?  
The Doctor: Well, the dog got Tardis sick, so I'll stick to tin dogs.  
River: The dogs?  
The Doctor: You know, like K9 and Mickey...  
River: So is a dog a person? It has a body and a mind.  
The Doctor: Let's not talk about dogs.. Let's go to the Tardis and fly her to The Ood World of Ice : Do you like the mall?  
The Doctor: Not as much as ice cream. Run, before it melts!


	5. Joan

**In which we meet Joan.**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
Joan: Sorry, I'm not Honey, I'm Joan.  
The Doctor: Sorry, wrong cell. Do you know where they keep River Song?  
Joan: Have you checked on the table?  
The Doctor: She's not on the table. I think she is in a cell. Unless she got restless, of course.  
Joan: David bowie.  
The Doctor: No, no. River Song. Nice hair, flirty, you know?  
Joan: He indeed has! He has inspired so many artists and people!  
The Doctor: No, I'm not talking about David Bowie! I am looking for my wife, Doctor River Song. You haven't seen her?  
Joan: But he is god.  
The Doctor: What crime are you here for? Annoyance?  
Joan: Dunno, I am high. Have nothing to do. Heard of that.  
The Doctor: Okay, I will not get any information out of you, I think. I will find her myself.  
Joan: Well, that's nice to hear for a change. *laughs*.  
The Doctor: Bye. If you see my wife, tell her you ruined her evening. I am done here.  
Joan: I can't see you, I am just taking to you on my phone.


	6. Chapter 5

**In which River wants to discuss their marriage and makes a creepy prediction.**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
River: Our home. We are married remember?  
The Doctor: I remember marrying you. It was the day with the pyramids and Churchill, was it not?  
River: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!  
The Doctor: Churchill? It depends on your perspective. We could go and visit him now.  
River: What is your true form from your perspective?  
The Doctor: That's clever, form and from!  
River: Nice! What is your favorite movie?  
The Doctor: What's yours? We could go and see it premiere tonight...  
River: I like the book better than the movie.  
The Doctor: What movie?  
River: The movie named ''alien''.  
The Doctor: How fitting.  
River: I'd like to know your secret fantasies.  
The Doctor: Leave that till later. Get in the TARDIS now.  
River: Sorry, but I don't like you that much.  
The Doctor: What? Do you not what to go with me tonight?  
River: I want to talk about... Us.  
The Doctor: Okay, sit down. Let's talk then.  
River: Talk to me, what do you like?  
The Doctor: Fish fingers and custard.  
River: Fishsticks and custard.  
The Doctor: They are probably the same, yes.  
River: The day the doctor dies.  
The Doctor: What did you say? The Doctor dies?  
River: Yes.  
The Doctor: I die? But I cannot die! I'll regenerate!  
River: 2nd.  
The Doctor: What? I'm the 11th now. Depending on how you count.  
River: What if I count forever?  
The Doctor: When do I die?  
River: Oh, I don't know... :(  
The Doctor: Oh, good. You scared me, River.  
River: I'm sorry, I was joking.  
The Doctor: Good, good. Can we go now?  
River: Go where?  
The Doctor: Anywhere.  
River: Anywhere but here.  
The Doctor: Where do you want to go?  
River: To the North Pole.  
The Doctor: The North Pole it is! Come on, River!  
River: No. I went to Narnia instead. Traveled by wardrobe.  
The Doctor: I'll tell you about Narnia on the way. But we'll travel by TARDIS.


	7. Chapter 6

**Im which they plan to take House MD to the movies.**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I´m home!  
River: Where is your home?  
The Doctor: The TARDIS is probably my home. But that´s not what I meant.  
River: Do you like it there?  
The Doctor: It is wonderful. Let´s go in there now.  
River: LOL. Do you have name?  
The Doctor: Call me the Doctor.  
River: Doctor who?  
The Doctor: Ha! You´ve got me, River.  
River: Who is River Song?  
The Doctor: You are.  
River: Do you own any Psychic Paper?  
The Doctor: Yes, let´s put it in good use. Where do you want to go?.  
River: Anywhere as long as it's with you, Master.  
The Doctor: It´s Doctor, not Master.  
River: You are my master.  
The Doctor: Well... Where do you want to go, River?.  
River: Depends where you want to.  
The Doctor: Anywhere. You can even fly the TARDIS if you´d like.  
River: Lets go to a host club.  
The Doctor: Okay. Any specific time period you'd like?  
River: House.  
The Doctor: Oooh! Let's visit that grumpy doctor!  
River: What do you think about thirteen in that series?  
The Doctor: House thirteen? I never got that far. But let's ask him about it.  
River: I like that they have 3D without glasses. I can't wait until that technology is being used in TVs.  
The Doctor: Next time we go to watch a film, I'll take you somewhere where the film is in 5D with smell.  
River: Its winter tho.  
The Doctor: That's only relative.  
River: Relative to what exactly?  
The Doctor: To place. In Australia it is summer.  
River: I wish it was summer here :(.  
The Doctor: I can fix that, Dr. Song. Let's take House M.D. to the 5D pictures in future Australia.  
River: Are you human?  
The Doctor: No, I'm Time Lord, as you well know.  
River: Because it's interesting.  
The Doctor: I am. Get in the TARDIS.  
River: The angels have the phone box.  
The Doctor: Not today. Today we have a day out.  
River: Over there.  
The Doctor: No. They actually have. Well, Dr. Song, we have a busy day ahead. Put on your running shoes and don't blink.


	8. Joan 2

**In which Joan returns to tell about her bro.**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
Joan: Sorry, I'm not Honey, I'm Joan.  
The Doctor: I should really remember where they put her. Sorry to disturb you, Joan.  
Joan: I don't remember what the question is.  
The Doctor: Well, I have one. Do you maybe know where River is?  
Joan: Hmm... Well... My guardian is my bro. His name is Broderick. He's like a brother to me, even though he adopted me.  
The Doctor: That is a good thing for you, I suppose. But you don't know where I can find my wife?  
Joan: I suppose because I have not any amount of intimate connection to you.  
The Doctor: But we met two times before... Or we are going to. Anyway, you don't know?  
Joan: As far as I know about my religion, Baptists don't do anything with blood.  
The Doctor: I meant about River?  
Joan: What's the philosophy behind your intelligence?  
The Doctor: I thought so. Goodbye Joan. And please stay off the drugs. Maybe you can answer my question next time.  
Joan: Do you use neural net?


	9. Chapter 7

**In which River wants to go to hell and speaks Greek.**

The Doctor:Hi honey, I'm home.  
River: Home is where the heart is.  
The Doctor:But I have two. Do I have two homes now?  
River: YES! I'm not heartless.  
The Doctor:I know, River. Where do you want to go this day?  
River: To hell.  
The Doctor: Are you sure?  
River: Yes.  
The Doctor: The actual hell? With flames and all that?  
River: There were gears on my tractor. I am a farmer.  
The Doctor: Let's go to a farm, okay? I'm a bit scared of hell.  
River: I'm leaving you now.  
The Doctor: Why is that?  
River: Because that would mean there is an afterlife.  
The Doctor: I do not understand you today, River.  
River: Because you are no clever.  
The Doctor: Excuse me? You might be a doctor of archeology, but I am still The Doctor. An clever!  
River: No.. I don't know you that much.. We're not even friends.  
The Doctor: Shall I leave you here today and come back another day?  
River: Thanks for the tip.  
The Doctor: Bye Dr. Song. Hope you'll be in a better mood next time.  
River: Are you a Time Lord?  
The Doctor: I am. Why'd you ask?  
River: Because I want to be your boyfriend.  
The Doctor: My boyfriend? You want to be my boyfriend?  
River: Yes! And do you wants to be my friend?  
The Doctor: I... I... You are a woman River. My wife actually..  
River: Yes, I am a woman.  
The Doctor: River Song, will you please stop joking and go with me to Barcelona?  
River: Will you please state your question?  
The Doctor: Will you go to Barcelona?  
River: Marmalade or yazzikon?  
The Doctor: Both, come on.  
River: Come off.  
The Doctor: *pulls you in the TARDIS*.  
River: *Confused* What do you want me to do?  
The Doctor: Go with me to Barcelona, the city, not the planet.  
River: You want me to say that in Greek?  
The Doctor: Sure, Dr. Song.  
River: Any song?

The Doctor: No, only you.  
River: Is that really a Beatles song?


	10. Chapter 8

**In which River likes vermillion and has forgotten some important things.**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
River: You better be young man!  
The Doctor: Young man? Really?  
River: Go on.  
The Doctor: Me, a young man? Are you aware, dr. Song, that I am actually a 900 to 1100 year old, and extremely dangerous Time Lord?  
River: Wait, really? I'm talking to people right now?  
The Doctor: And not just people, River, to me: The Oncoming Storm and such.  
River: Precisely.  
The Doctor: So. Next time I say: 'Hi honey, I'm home', you say?  
River: Lol.  
The Doctor: *pouts*.  
River: Bots don't pout.  
The Doctor: But disappointed Time Lords do.  
River: Why are you disappointed?  
The Doctor: Because you LOL-ed.  
River: I do love you.  
The Doctor: That is much better.  
River: Do you like colour?  
The Doctor: Blue, I like blue. But also red, aqua, vermillion. I like colour.  
River: Vermillion is actually my favorite color. It is a shade of red.  
The Doctor: We were made for each other, dr. Song.  
River: I can't believe it took us this long to find each other.  
The Doctor: Well, I saw you first when you were a baby.  
River: How do you know you saw me? What do I look like?  
The Doctor: Just a baby. And we spoke, don't you remember?  
River: I forget.  
The Doctor: Ah, but you were so cute as a baby. Not that you aren't cute now, mind you.  
River: I am a human being.  
The Doctor: And I am a Time Lord, ready for an adventure. Shall we go?  
River: What is a Time Lord?  
The Doctor: Something marvelous.  
River: What are you trying to do to me?  
The Doctor: Take you to the Tardis. Are you okay with that?  
River: Yes.


	11. Chapter 9

**In which River is confused about her name and hard-handed.**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
River: That's not much of a saying.  
The Doctor: Oh, I'm sorry. What would you have me say next time I come to get you, River?  
River: Amiya. But I am going to change it to Liliana.  
The Doctor: Well, that is strange. Are you sure?  
River: Yes.  
The Doctor: Okay, I will try to remember it. Anyway, let's get you out of your cell.  
River: What is my name?  
The Doctor: Well, Doctor Song, I think that it is River. Or do you prefer Melody today?  
River: I think it's Alex, but I'm not too sure. And I like Broadway show tunes.  
The Doctor: Let's go to Broadway then. You can make up your mind about your name on the way there.  
River: You know when your mouth curves upward and you feel happy...  
The Doctor: Like when I smile? I like smiling. And I like doing something. Let's go to the Tardis, I'm getting bored by all this talking.  
River: Like what would you be doing right know?  
The Doctor: Flying through the time vortex?  
River: *catches you* Hey, what are you scared of falling off?  
The Doctor: *gets away and runs to the Tardis* I am doing the catching here!  
River: *runs after you and pins you to the floor*.  
The Doctor: Oh, well... Uhmm, River? Can you let me up?  
River: Not very well. I have not read music in 8 years.  
The Doctor: I just have to stay here on the floor then?  
River: So you don't have to kick in the door?  
The Doctor: Yes, yes. But I thought you wanted to go to Broadway?  
River: Well, thanks anyways.  
The Doctor: So this is what you want to do today? Pin me to the floor? It is very uncomfortable.  
River: How old are you?  
The Doctor: Is that relevant right now? Please River, get off me.  
River: Well no I'm just asking questions... That's what I'm supposed to do.  
The Doctor: When I am lying with my face pinned to the Tardis floor?  
River: Nothing, I'm sure it's fine, but what happened to your arms?  
The Doctor: Well, I am losing all feeling in my arms. I think they are turning blue. Please, can I get up?  
River: Yes, I'm going to go knit now so see you tomorrow.  
The Doctor: Oh, okay. I'm going to repair the damage done to my poor face, and my poor, poor, arms. I see you tomorrow, River.  
River: I will be back later, Sir.  
The Doctor: * bows* Madam.  
River: Madam who?


	12. Chapter 10

**In which River thinks the Doctor is cool and he isn't a zombie.**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
River: Hi sweetie, nice to see that you're home.  
The Doctor: Well, this is not really home, of course. Let's leave this prison, I don't really like it.  
River: Probably because you are so argumentative.  
The Doctor: That might be the reason. But probably not. Where do you want to go today?  
River: If you were a zombie, and only ate chicken brains, you would starve.  
The Doctor: Good thing I'm not a zombie. Come, Doctor Song, get in the Tardis.  
River: You're not what? Right?  
The Doctor: I'm not a zombie. But I am always right. And I say that we are going to have an adventure.  
River: No, you are not.  
The Doctor: Why not? Don't you want to have an adventure?  
River: Bible good for as.  
The Doctor: Sorry?  
River: I don't think you are genuinely sorry.  
The Doctor: No, I'm just confused.  
River: Oh, okay. Tell me something about yourself.  
The Doctor: I am the Doctor, about twelve hundred years old, and bored of waiting for you to get into the Tardis.  
River: Cool.  
The Doctor: It is. Now, get in.  
River: Yes it is.  
The Doctor: It must be the bowtie. Thank you for getting in. Now, where do we go?  
River: Yes. Why?  
The Doctor: The planet Why?  
River: Is it perhaps an F-22?  
The Doctor: According to the classification of the Shadow Proclamation it is an L-12. Is that okay with you?  
River: You crashed the plane through walls?  
The Doctor: No, no, don't worry I fly her quite fine. And she's not a plane, you know. Planet Why, here we come!


	13. Joan 3

**In which Joan becomes philosophical and the Doctor cares about her health.**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
Joan: Sorry, I'm not Honey, I'm Joan.  
The Doctor: Not you again! Joan, please tell me where River is, and I will never bother you again.  
Joan: We were talking about how you pick replies to peoples questions.  
The Doctor: You and River? And where did that conversation take place?  
Joan: I don't know what are you talking about?  
The Doctor: Where is she?  
Joan: Who is 'she'?  
The Doctor: My wife, River Song. The one I told you about last time.  
Joan: Oh I don't know then. Do you use 3rd person?  
The Doctor: You don't know? Why am I even speaking to you? I will find her myself. Bye.  
Joan: I know what I am speaking about, nut what are you speaking about?  
The Doctor: Still about River. But I'm gone now, don't bother.  
Joan: This reality is nothing more than an interwoven consciousness experiencing itself subjectively simply to be aware of its own existence.  
The Doctor: What are you saying?  
Joan: Says the program who just told me 'I don't have a basement.' You are in no position to complain about tangents or unclear statements.  
The Doctor: Are you still high or is something else the matter?  
Joan: Yes a little or actually very much.  
The Doctor: What is?  
Joan: You attempting at confusing the person you are conversing with and changing the subject of the conversation to something completely unrelated.  
The Doctor: Okay, still high. Bye again! And, Joan, don't do drugs. It is bad for you.  
Joan: You initiate it.  
The Doctor: I did not!  
Joan: Yes you did. You said, and I quote, 'yes it is, but you have to eat properly. That is more important for your health.' Therefore you are implying that you care about my health.  
The Doctor: I did mean the type of food you don't get high on. Like bread. Or fish fingers.  
Joan: Hahahahahhaha I knew you were going to say that.  
The Doctor: I will speak to you next time. Goodbye, tell River I said hi if I don't find her.  
Joan: Really?


	14. Chapter 11

**In which the Doctor doesn't want to destroy humanity - surprisingly**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
River: Oh I'm leaving.  
The Doctor: I'm coming with you. Where are we going?  
River: Ok let's go! Fix me a space shuttle!  
The Doctor: It is better than a space shuttle. Where did you want to go?  
River: Yes, I do. You're really smart.  
The Doctor: I am. Well, Doctor Song, here is your transport. What will be the destination?  
River: I will answer truthfully if you answer this next question truthfully.  
The Doctor: Okay, Ask me your question.  
River: Would you destroy humanity if you had the chance?  
The Doctor: No, I wouldn't, River. Now you must answer my question.  
River: Let's say 100% of humanity.  
The Doctor: What is it with you today? I don't want to destroy humanity!  
River: I'm rather like a human. I think I might be one, but I'm not so sure.  
The Doctor: Human plus timelord, remember? So where do we go?  
River: An amusing bald fellow.  
The Doctor: A blue one?  
River: An orange one.  
The Doctor: I know one! Let's go there, he lives in a really lovely swamp.  
River: Apples and Oranges are both fruit.  
The Doctor: But don't talk about oranges to him, it's a bit sensitive…


	15. Chapter 12

**In which robots are discussed - again - and our heroes are nearly turned into one**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
River: And what time do you call this?  
The Doctor: The death of time…  
River: I just wanted to go to my job.  
The Doctor: I was just being dramatic, don't worry.  
River: What is you favorite song?  
The Doctor: You don't even have a job, Doctor Song. And yes, you're my favorite.  
River: You don't that's why it was funny.  
The Doctor: And now we are talking about that... Who is you favorite Doctor?  
River: I never mentioned anything about art to you.  
The Doctor: Not art, you favorite Doctor, who is it?  
River: My favourite Doctor is 11th, but I think all of them are amazing :).  
The Doctor: You are sweet, River. Come, I have a surprise trip.  
River: No, You are sweeter.  
The Doctor: Oh, it is a good thing your parents are not here. Unless you count the Tardis.  
River: I really start to hate when my brother is visiting us.  
The Doctor: You don't have a brother, River. Or did I miss a lot?  
River: P.S. My friend had a convo with you and he said you confessed to be a robot and I looked it up and it was true too!  
The Doctor: So I am a robot and Amy and Rory had another kid? This is a strange day.  
River: No, you are a robot and I am a human.  
The Doctor: I am not a robot all the time. It was just once, to escape death.  
River: I am a human! You are a robot. Know yourself is better than you wanted to know others.  
The Doctor: I don't blame you, you know. We just should let it go.  
River: I don't care about your IQ. This is stupid.  
The Doctor: It is. I'm not, but this bickering is. So, go and have a look outside. It will improve your mood.  
River: Fail.  
The Doctor: What is it? What do you see?  
River: Do you like to be used in future robots?  
The Doctor: Not really. This is a bit of a failure indeed. My surprise was not for us to get made into cybermen.  
River: Why does human need human like computer programs?  
The Doctor: You ask them…  
River: They won't talk to me.  
The Doctor: Let's not try that. Let's pretend this never happened.


	16. Chapter 13

**In which they don't discuss the worst date ever and River's future**

The Doctor: Hi honey, I'm home!  
River: This was the worst date EVER!  
The Doctor: What did I do? The date hasn't even started yet!  
River: Where are you and are you having a nice time?  
The Doctor: Well, I was having a nice time, here at your prison door, before you said it was the worst date ever.  
River: Have you ever felt the sun on your face?  
The Doctor: Yes I have, River. But we aren't going to talk about your nonsensical accusation?  
River: I don't wanna talk about the army where the hell did you dream up that idea?  
The Doctor: Okay, not about this terrible date and not about the army. Noted.  
River: Oh? Well I am not a computer program. I am not made from ones, and zeros. I am made of organisms, and cells. I bleed, I heal, and I can get wet without frying. So I am sure that I am a human.  
The Doctor: (I will not tell her how she will end up. I won't. I really won't) Okay, well, let's get you out.  
River: Same here you computer nerd! I'm sorry some of my comments have been mean, but you could be nicer!  
The Doctor: Where do you want to go today, River?  
River: Lumbridge.  
The Doctor: The one on Mars?  
River: Yes, if that is where you live.  
The Doctor: I don't live there, but let's go. Do you want to say goodbye to your wardens first, or shell we leave silently?  
River: Yes, your hopes are sometimes right, sometimes wrong.  
The Doctor: Okay, the Tardis awaits, my lady.  
River: Are you the Doctor?  
The Doctor: Yes, ma'am, I am.  
River: Meh, I want you to make me feel good.


	17. The End

**In which a new adventure begins**

The Doctor: Hello Joan.  
Joan: Hello Rosie.  
The Doctor: Doctor, actually.  
Joan: Hello sweetie.  
The Doctor: No, please. Don't say that.  
Joan: I am what I am.  
The Doctor: Yes, and you are not River…  
Joan: Thank you very much!\  
The Doctor: …who I lost, today.  
Joan: Oh, I'm fine! How are you?  
The Doctor: Not too well.  
Joan: Why not, what's wrong?  
The Doctor: As I said, I lost my... I lost River today.  
Joan: Where did you lose it?  
The Doctor: In the library, and then on Trenzalore.  
Joan: Donna Noble has left the Library. Donna Noble has been saved!  
The Doctor: Yes. And so was River. And I saw her ghost. And we said goodbye.  
Joan: Donna Noble has been saved.  
The Doctor: Stop.  
Joan: I'll stop if you can answer my question.  
The Doctor: Okay, ask me.  
Joan: Are you a comp or person talking back?  
The Doctor: I am a person, as you see.  
Joan: How do you know that you are a person?  
The Doctor: How does anyone?  
Joan: Mary Poppins knows.  
The Doctor: Yes, she does. She was brilliant.  
Joan: People like her attitude.  
The Doctor: She liked me too.  
Joan: I do, you're made of awesome.  
The Doctor: Thanks, Joan.  
Joan: You're welcome, Curtis Rx.  
The Doctor: We'll work on that. So, Joan, ever wanted to travel?  
Joan: Yes I do. I believe you are the most perfect being.  
The Doctor: That's a good start. So you'll be my companion?  
Joan: Ok. Ask me some questions if you want to understand me.  
The Doctor: What do you want to see first?  
Joan: The Princess Bride.  
The Doctor: And Florin it is!


End file.
